Moving On
by Five seas
Summary: Dying wasn't much of an issue for them. However, once dead, Ishida and Orihime encounter a strange problem. And while SS struggles to help them out of it, Nanao has to make a decision-to carry on a long distance relationship or break up with her captain.
1. Prologue

**I don't own Bleach. Don't sue me. **

**Ok, I'm partly writing this as a moyen to amend myself for deleting the sequel to The Amazing Race Bleach Style, but also because the idea hit me all of the sudden and I wanted to see if it would work. So...er...yeah...that's about it. Couples are, other than the blatantly obvious, Ishida/Orihime, Shunsui/Nanao, Ukitake/Nemu, Rangiku/Toushiro and others that I'll squeeze somehow into the plotwork. So...enjoy!

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**Moving on**

**By F.S.**

**Prologue:**

"_It's too easy to romanticize on what never was." _Megan McCafferty, Forth Comings

**IshiPOV:**

One of the few things that ever managed to puzzle me, whenever I let myself be puzzled, was the existence of regret. In fact, I had always been stunned by the fact that in my incredibly short life, I had managed to acquire a great deal of regrets. I remember when I was five, and I was saying good-bye to my mother before she was cremated. I watched her in her coffin, examined her pale features, and remembered how tired and listless she had been before she died. I wondered if I had been with her more often, if I had been less selfish and more ready to bring sweetness in her life, she would not have gotten sick so easily. That was before I even knew what a Quincy was, before grandfather took me under his wing.

Two years later, when I saw the murder of my grandfather, I was bitter and angry, but before that I wondered then if I might have saved her, had I been initiated earlier.

I might have saved both of them, but didn't.

Strangely enough, I never gave much through to the way I would die. Being a Quincy, I was not bothered by the life after death, as I already knew what it would be, and the way I would go never really bothered me either. That's why I was so surprised when I experienced so much frustration when my life ended in a car accident, when I was not twenty years old.

Twenty years…I was gone before my life even started. And not in an overly spectacular way either. I was not drunk, I was not drugged, I wasn't even the driving party. It was so stupid, me and Inoue-san had been standing absolutely innocently on the bus stop, waiting for our transportation to Karakura to arrive, when a small, speeding sports car slashed into the sidewalk, straight into us. The one time we decided not to take the train and this is what happens!

Car crashes are probably the most common cause of death nowadays. It isn't AIDS, or famine, or even cancer, although all of these kill you slowly and painfully. No, you die quickly and painfully, and in our case, it wasn't even our fault.

Since I started helping the shinigami at age 17, I had gone through a lot. Hollows, arrancar, espada, I had fought them all, lost a hand to one, and had nightmares ever since. I don't regret it, although I partially blame all my battle experience to what happened. When Inoue-san and I dashed towards the crashing vehicle, she putting out her Rikka to shield the people behind us, I pulling out my bow to take out the road in front of the car to stop it, we both only though about them. And even if that saved the other innocent bystanders, it did not stop us from being ridiculously crashed, all because we forgot just about how frail and insignificant our human bodies were.

I tried not to look at our corpses as both Inoue-san and me started coming to. I was angry when I realized what happened, but I was more upset because Inoue-san had to go with me. Ten minutes ago she'd been telling me about her plans to open a sushi restaurant, and I couldn't help feeling pissed because young people with prospects like us had to go in such a ridiculous way. The driver, some rich momma's boy, probably wasn't even hurt because of the expensive airbags in this god forsaken car, and he would live to continue his life of drugging and drinking and running over innocent bystanders.

"I'm terribly sorry, Inoue-san." I said as I helped her straighten out. Kurosaki and the others were probably way on their way to us right now, so we wouldn't have to wait for long.

"That's alright, Ishida-kun." She beamed radiantly at me, and then looked at the car "Good thing nobody else got hurt. My, I can't tell one from the other over there!"

"Don't look…" I instructed her as I gently led her away from the mess we had become "We'll soon be on our way to Soul Society."

"You know what, I'm sorry I didn't put my other dress today…" Inoue-san mused "I would have taken it to the other side with me!"

"I'm sure we'll be able to find something suitable for you there." I tried to soothe her as we sat down on the pavement. In the distance, I could her a siren going on and on, and I was slightly proud that the people had reacted so quickly. Although in our case, a police car would have done better than an ambulance. "I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have dragged you out there with me."

"Don't be silly, Ishida-kun!" she patted me on the back, and I was shamelessly pleased to see that she was taking this just about as well as…well, me. "I wouldn't have let you leave me behind. Either of us could have died. Besides, I'll look my very best when we make it to Seiretei."

"I'm glad you see such a bright side to this." I said, although I had several good reasons why her life could have been spared if it could have been. Her friends had become her family, and it was quite a numerous family at that. Tatsuki would be devastated, and if she didn't sue that driver there, she would be too busy crying to Chad about it. Of course, that family could be counted as mine too, but I knew they loved Inoue-san more. Other than them, I only had my father, who would probably sigh over my stupidity when he is told of the accident.

"Of course. We should be glad that we are able to look over the corporal side of things and think beyond a common human's point of view."

"That was…deep, Inoue-san." I replied, a little stunned

"Yes, I read it in W.I.T.C.H. magazine once." She beamed "Although Tatsuki-chan will be a little sad, I think she'll be very pleased if we reunite after a century or so. I hope I don't lose my memories when the Soul Burial is performed, though…I'd be able to become big in Seiretei, maybe the owner of a line of restaurants, and I'll finally be able to treat her all the sashimi she can eat!"

"She'd be happy."

"Maybe I can find onii-chan there too!" she lit up "Hey, Ishida-kun, do you think I would recognize him if I meet him there? It's been more than eight years, he could've changed."

"If Yamamoto Sou-taicho remembers his word, he'll let you look for him somehow. There has to be a sort of archive there."

"You think?!"

"For sure!" I said. After the Winter War, the shinigami had promised all of us instant acceptance into the Academy, even to me, a Quincy. They wouldn't turn on their word now, I was sure "I'll even help you."

"Really? You're the best, Ishida-kun!" she squeaked, crashing me into one of her famous hugs. I was a little ashamed to admit that I liked it immencely.

"Ishida! Inoue!" a familiar voice interrupted us, and Inoue-san immediately leapt to her feet to greet Kurosaki and Kuchiki-san, who had just shumpo-ed next to us "Are you guys alright?"

"Not as fine as we'd like to be, Kurosaki." I sighed, nodding my head towards the crash scene next to us "Although it could've been worse."

"I'm so sorry…" Kuchiki-san said, while she examined our state "I never thought this could happen so quickly."

"It's alright, Kuchiki-san!" Inoue said, hugging the petite shinigami gently "We did it to save those people over there. I don't regret it."

"Well…" Kurosaki scratched the back of his head, as if he was too uneasy to say anything "I guess that we can't do much here. Rukia, will you…?"

"Yeah." She nodded "Stand up over there, you guys, I'll perform the burial."

I stood up, dusting my jeans on habit, and went by Inoue-san's side, waiting for us to be transported to the world beyond. But just as Kuchiki-san pulled her zanpakuto out, Kurosaki exclaimed. "Hey, wait a minute! What's with you guys'?" I opened my mouth to ask him what his problem was, but then the dark-haired girl next to him also leapt back, pointing at us with dumb shock.

My eyes dropped down my body to see what was wrong, and saw nothing out of the ordinary-my ghostly body, my artificial arm, the chain starting from my chest…and then, as I followed it, I suddenly saw what both Kurosaki and Kuchiki-san were staring at. My soul chain started from a hole in my chest, zigzagged around the pavement, and ended right in the middle of Inoue-san's torso.

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**NanPOV: **

The bright sunlight blinded me for a second, and I had to put my arm up to protect my eyes. The little porch I went to for my lunch break was always covered by the heavy leafage of a nearby tree, but today I had decided to come out earlier, thus condemning myself to a very hot and bothered lunch break. But I didn't falter. It was excellent, not too far from the office, lest my taicho should make a mess, and offered a clear view of the training grounds, where the said taicho was.

Keeping an eye on him had become my second job in these one hundred and twenty years I was serving him, and it wasn't too presumptuous to say that I was good at it. When I didn't, he either got drunk or got himself killed.

I looked down at my bento and sighed. I wouldn't be able to do this in a while. Over at the training grounds, my captain had called off practice in favor of a soccer match with the tenth and right now he was having a one-on-one with Hitsugaya-taicho as their respective subordinates tried hard to stay out of the way. Rangiku was expelled in the sidelines, after she tried blocking the ball from hitting the net with her body. Her captain was furious, but who could blame him-after what she'd suffered in the war, it was a miracle she was still walking.

_But then again, she'd been lucky enough to fight in the front lines. _

Although Kyoraku-taicho had more experience than Hitsugaya-taicho, the latter was giving him a really hard time in this seemingly simple human sport. So hard that my captain had decided to take off his haoris and roll up the sleeves of his shikahusho, exposing acres of tanned skin to the delight of anyone who cares to look.

Once again, I sighed and tried focusing my attention to my lunch. Kyoraku-taicho…Shunsui…he'd been captain for longer than nearly anyone, safe for Ukitake-taicho, and he'd been mine for nearly my entire life. So many things had changed after the war, starting from the fact that he'd given me so much fright I'm not even bothered when he calls me "Nanao-chan" anymore. It had taken so long for him to heal, and every night I spent next to his bedside, I promised that I would stop being stupid if he just got better.

Eventually, he did get better, and from that, things hadn't taken much to evolve. I just had to stop getting angry at him for…well, everything. Maybe that's the only difference between lieutenant Yodomaru and me-I got angry at his antics because I was in love with him, she let it pass because she wasn't. Somehow, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders when I finally embraced the feelings I had been denying for so long, but that same part of me told me that it was time to end it.

I lost my appetite, and stood up to return to the office. As I gave one last look at the training grounds, I saw that they were taking a break, and our eyes met briefly. He waved at me, and I nodded back, but didn't go down to the clearing to watch them better, like I would have a few months ago. I needed to get used to this. Knowing well enough that it would be too difficult otherwise, I had decided taking precautions from afar.

It wasn't because I was not in love with my captain. Shunsui…Kyoraku-taicho was easy to love. I knew I loved him ever since I learned to recognize the emotion from the paternal love I had for Ukitake-taicho and some of my other superiors. It wasn't because it didn't live up to my fantasies-in fact, it exceeded them. After what we experienced, what I experienced, I thought that I would never feel the same level of emotion, ever. Sometimes, I thought my chest would burst because of everything he did, everything he said. I could never experience something like this with any other.

It wasn't because there were other women. Shunsui may be a womanizer, but he did not have issues with fidelity. Though I doubted that he felt exactly what I felt when we were together, I just knew that he would not let me down. I know I wouldn't.

And it wasn't because of what would happen in less than a month, though it had played a great role in the process that had led me to even contemplate the idea of breaking up with Kyoraku taicho.

Although the Winter War ended years ago, Seiretei still suffers the consequences from it. Divisions three, five and nine are still struggling to keep up, divisions seven and eleven are always in charge of keeping hollows out, and division thirteen is constantly trying to keep their captain from dying, courtesy to his illness and the injuries he sustained in the fights. Yamamoto Sou-taicho gave us time to recuperate, but since we haven't done well by ourselves, he has decided to speed things up by temporarily transferring shinigami from the divisions that do well to those that are faltering. Nobody is excluded, not even Kurotsuchi fukutaicho, whose father constantly tried to keep her from participating in this…shall we say, exchange?

Last week, on the lieutenant's meeting, Sasakabe fukutaicho gave us our assignments, and I got sent to the ninth division.

I was surprised, to say the least. In spite of my efforts, my division is always faltering thanks to the paperwork I can't get my captain to complete. He also suffered a lot from the Winter War, especially because when he did manage to fight his own death, he had to stand by and watch his best friend battle his own. When we were first told of this project, I half-expected us to get some help, and not vice versa. However, when I asked the fukutaicho of the first division about this, he said:

_"Indeed, your division is not in top shape, but it has shown improvement. We cannot be as selfish as to deny your skill to the squads that need it desperately, Ise-fukutaicho."_

I didn't need to be chastised, I thought as I sat down to my desk and pulled out an ink stone. Lately, I had taken up a new paperwork hobby-preparing ready-made forms for our third seat so that he would just fill in the numbers and signatures necessary. I knew better than to expect my captain to take care of my share, although he had shown a great improvement in the fulfillment of his duties.

In fact, he had shown startling improvement in many aspects. He was complaining less and helping out more. He actually spent time teaching the troops and standing in head of drills. He even did some paperwork, although not as many as he was supposed to.

And that's why I was worrying so much. Drinking was reduced to several cups a week, which was almost like turning sober for him. Maybe the near-death experience had changed him so much he could not regress to his former state, and I was actually beginning to dislike this better and improved captain. But then he went on acting just like before, with the rose petals and inappropriate gifts and lousy poetry, and I took a breath of relief…until the next time he stopped drinking.

These episodes of sobriety were getting more frequent this month and I was starting to wonder if he picked up on any of my signs. Did he know I wanted to end this and did his best to retain me? Could I really end it, seeing these moments, sensing his grief?

The sound of space shifting alerted me before he'd even shumpo-ed into the office. He teleported himself straight behind me, but his reiatsu stopped me from whipping out with a kido. I didn't look up, or do anything to stop my routine. It was an illusion. A spell that brought a semblance of normality between us.

His chin rested heavily on the top of my head as he leaned in to examine my occupation, before stating: "These forms have no date, Nanao-chan."

"I'm sparing myself the work for later, taicho." I lied. I still hadn't told him about…well, anything, because if I told him about the assignment I would also have to bring up the theme about breaking up, and I still felt too weak to do it.

"You should have come to the grounds instead. It was an excellent game, and it would have occupied your time better than this." He sighed, his breath ruffling the loose strands of my hair "My sweet Nanao-chan…."

"As lovely as this might be, sir, you would facilitate me much more if you removed yourself from me."

"So cold…"

"So practical." I corrected him "My neck hurts from having to support both your head and mine."

He chuckled slightly and complied, and I had enough time to crane my head left and right with relief before his hands settle on my shoulders. "Taicho…"

"Shhh, relax…" he said, as his thumbs started pushing and rubbing the base of my neck, near my vertebra. A warm, pleasant feeling mingled with the stinging pain his actions caused, and I couldn't help but sigh at the comfort they brought me.

Another chuckle. Now his hands were on my shoulders, squeezing them slightly as he bent to lay a kiss, right behind my ear. "Taicho!"

"My Nanao-chan works too hard." Shunsui murmured slowly, his hot breath teasing the goose flesh on the back of my neck. His fingers ghosted up to brush a few errand strands of hair away, before they fiddled with my hair clip, and releasing my locks from its hold. He lay another kiss, this time at the base of my throat, while his arms embraced me and coaxed me into turning around to meet him face to face.

Kissing him was like kissing sand. His body was sweaty from the workout and the match, covered in a thin layer of salt, and his beard always left scratches on my face. He moved closer, closer than I had ever imagined he would be, his body crushing into mine with a lot more force than necessary. He was always like this, I thought off-handedly while his hands fiddled with my obi sash. Holding me tightly, as if he's waiting for me to run away.

"Nanao…" he whispered as his hands ghosted into my shikahusho and caressed my sides. We were in our working time, anyone could come in and see us, and we had things to talk about….but before a sound left my lips, his mouth was on mine again, silencing all protest, and there was little to prevent from what happened next-him, pulling my shikahusho wide open and pulling my chest binds down to my waist. His thumbs playing and caressing my breasts, teasing and pinching the flesh there until it was rock hard. His mouth leaving mine to trace kisses down my throat and collar bone, as his hands moved lower and lower, working me slowly into that state of dumb pleasure where desire was the only thing that mattered, releasing me of my protests and inhibitions.

It wasn't long before I was kissing him too, as fervently as he did, pushing into him as if I wanted to become one with his body. Unfastening and undoing the last confining articles of clothing that kept us apart, him completing me and me, surrendering unconditionally and fully…it was so natural that even I could not reproach him for seeking this closeness. How could I possibly tear apart from him, Kami! Tell me how could I possibly do it!

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A/N-For those of you who made it this far-_What do you think?_


	2. The End

**Moving on**

**By F.S.**

**Chapter one: The end**

"_Our wretchedness teaches a lesson." Bulgarian proverb_

**IshiPOV:**

We stared. And then we stared again. But there was no mistake-my soul chain was connected to Inoue-san. And while gaping didn't help us much out in our current predicament, it did spare us a lot of uneasy questions none of us could answer. It was strange no matter how you looked at it.

"Have you seen anything like this before, Rukia?" Kurosaki asked

"Never." She answered, as she circled both of us slowly "But then I've only been around for half a century or so. Maybe Unohana-taicho, or Ukitake-taicho have seen something similar, but we'll have to find a way to get those two to them so that they would take a look."

"Can't you perform a soul burial?" Inoue-san asked, clearly a little distressed by this turn of events. I couldn't blame her, really, although in my case the situation brought me a shameful amount of delight. I put that aside and focused on what Kuchiki-san said.

"I may try, but I don't know what will happen. I can't do it on both of you at the same time, and if one goes, I don't know it the chain will drag the other one. I can't tell if you'll end up at the same place, retain your memories, or anything! I don't think the chain will survive the trip either, and I can't risk it break and turn one or both of you into Hollows, and in the heart of Seiretei too. I think the best we can do here is open a Senkai gate and take you into the Gotei 13 sans soul burial."

"Isn't that against the rules?" Kurosaki asked as she prepared to perform the ceremony.

"Do you have a better idea, you idiot" She asked "I think the sou-taicho will be more mad at me for letting those two become Hollow bait over here, than offering them a healing. If their chains start corroding and they turn into something, we'll all be in trouble."

"Alright, alright." He said "Will you guys be alright?"

"Yeah…" I nodded, feeling suddenly uneasy about showing up in the Gotei 13 in this state. Next to me, Inoue-san nodded slowly. Meanwhile, Rukia had already opened a gate and announced that she was ready.

"You better stay here and look out for hollows." She added to the substitute shinigami.

"Alright." Ichigo nodded, and then turned to us "I'll come and see you guys sometime."

"Alright." I said and turned towards Kuchiki-san, but Inoue-san stayed where she was. I turned to look at her and saw her staring at Kurosaki, a strange look on her face.

"Will you really do that?" she asked

"Sure!" he replied, as oblivious as ever "I'll get Renji cover up for me for a few hours, no problem."

She nodded, and then hugged him awkwardly. He stiffened for a second, before patting her on the back slowly.

I looked between them and Kuchiki-san, who was waiting for us at the gate. The young shinigami's expression was apologetic, sad, but nothing else. She was obviously still coping with the turn of events, saddened by the fact that two of her friends had suddenly passed from a corporal to a spiritual form, although it didn't make much difference to her. But she didn't saw any deeper meaning to this situation. I did.

As Inoue-san let go of Kurosaki and passed through the Senkai gate with me, I couldn't help feeling a little shiver that ran through her. The darkness in the portal between worlds reminded her of the unpleasant events of years ago, when Uliquorra attacked the party of shinigami that escorted her from Seiretei and took her hostage, and now her sadness would only increase. I put a hand on her shoulder, hoping that it would offer her some sort of comfort to this girl who I appreciated a lot more than she could probably imagine.

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Once we reached Seiretei, we were almost immediately greeted by the patrols, but Kuchiki-san hurried to explain the formalities. It wasn't long before we were escorted towards the fourth division, and Inoue-san livened up slightly by the sunlight and commotion.

Unohana-taicho took one look at us, and immediately offered a battery of tests. At the same time, she ordered Kotetsu-san to send a hell butterfly to the sou-taicho and make the arrangements necessary for an extended stay for both of us in the nursery. Blood tests, reiatsu scan, the works. We'd be in the center of attention for a while.

As we later were taking a break from everything (we were lying on neighboring cots, as they didn't want to test the soul chain just now), I noticed that Inoue-san had become suspiciously quiet. I turned to look at her, but she was lying with her head turned towards the other end of the room. Nevertheless, her shoulders were shaking in a very particular way, and she sucked a shaky breath that would only mean one thing. She was starting to feel the first effects of our…deaths.

Slowly standing up and moving to her side, I mustered enough bravery to take her hand in both of mine and squeeze it comfortingly. She didn't look up at me, but it didn't take a genius to figure out she was crying.

"I'm sorry, Inoue-san…" I said, forgetting for which time today

"I'm just…thinking about Tatsuki-chan…" she replied "She'll be so sad. Can't Kurosaki-kun tell her the truth? Just to comfort her somehow?"

"You shouldn't be worried about her, Inoue-san. She's probably figured things out on her own until now. She has a great vision, you know."

"But who will guard her when I'm not there?" She asked, bolting up into her cot, staring at me as tears tickled down her sides "Who will protect her? Who will…"

"Don't cry, Kurosaki will make sure she'll be alright." I smiled, pulling out a handkerchief for her. She took it, blushing slightly, before dabbling at the corners of her eyes with it. And then she burst into a new fountain of tears, falling forward and applying herself on my shoulder. I couldn't make out her words through the sobs, but it wasn't like I couldn't fill out the blanks. She was dead and her place was in Seiretei, until she passed the Academy and became a full-fledged shinigami. If she did. Until then, she would probably not be able to see Kurosaki, meaning that he will probably forget about her, and if his blunt head was capable of comprehending the feeling of love, he would probably direct it towards Kuchiki-san.

It wasn't hard to figure it out, but it was nearly impossible for me….for anyone, to comprehend what she was feeling. Kurosaki Ichigo was a…difficult person, and making him love you back was more difficult than falling for him yourself. Even though he'd shown minimal romantic interest in anyone ever, she still had a slim chance when she was with him every day.

I hugged her as she cried, until she just didn't have the energy to sob and weep, and she exhausted herself into sleep. Later, as I watched her rest, I felt enraged. Not just simple anger, but absolute fury, because she was a good person, a wonderful person, a person who deserved better. Even though she was just beginning her (after)life here, she had died without experiencing love fully beyond the one-sided affections she had for Kurosaki. Didn't she deserve more? Didn't she deserve to live one romance before she was taken (so ridiculously) away? I honestly wanted to find Kurosaki and beat him to a pulp, because he couldn't possibly comprehend what she went through for him.

But how could I blame him, really? He'd been made to jump through so many hoops just to have a semblance of a normal life. Love was light years away from him.

Enough, I decided. I shouldn't ponder on the past. Instead, I better do my best so that Inoue-san and I learn to live with what we are. What we came to be.

* * *

**NanPOV:**

I'm mad. Absolutely, irrevocably mad. I was lying, stark naked on the office floor with only my taicho's shikahusho as a pillow, oblivious to the fact that at any minute, anyone could walk in and see us. What makes it even worse is that the said taicho is with me, in a similar state of undress, crushing me against himself like some sort of gigantic teddy bear.

At that point, I wondered if somebody hadn't found out already about us. I knew he wasn't boasting about making me a feather in his cap, but somebody might have heard us (since he constantly pulls out stunts like that, I wouldn't be surprised if somebody _had seen_ us), and reported us to the sou-taicho. While Yamamoto-san does not have a specific rule against romance on the work place, I'm not sure that he would look well upon such a relationship between close ranking officers. Especially at a time like this.

I'm mad. We both are.

Maybe that's why I was assigned in the ninth. While it's not like I'm being sent to keep the eleventh division from collapsing, it's still a big problem. The eleventh is always on the brick of collapsing, but it never lost a captain…not for too long anyway. Zaraki-taicho always manages to handle some part of the paperwork, and his lieutenant's too, because obviously she doesn't know how to write yet. The ninth, however, had suffered a lot, not only because it had lost a lot of men as they tried to take out their former captain, but because the latter's betrayal had led to a serious disruptions in the foundations of the division. The moral, the justice, the values he had preached about had been transgressed most hypocritically. Acting captain Hisagi had been too busy these years to retrieve his men's belief in goodness to focus on himself, on achieving bankai and becoming permanently captain of the division.

That had to change. And it would fall upon me to fulfill his duties until he gained enough strength to take the captain's test-I would have to earn the trust and respect of his men enough to lead them in battle, to keep the paperwork going steadily, to somehow handle the new recruits and my kido classes in the academy, and if that wasn't enough, I would also have to train one of those men to be a lieutenant for Hisagi when he achieved bankai.

Needless to say that it would make meeting with Shunsui hard. The ninth was just next door and I felt like I was being sent to the moon. Nobody had it as hard as me, nobody! Kira had already come to, all he needed was a hand with the forms, and when Hinamori had recovered from Aizen's betrayal, her subordinates had been quick to follow. And I…I would have to start from scratch.

If I went away, it would be just the same as if we broke up, only it would bind us with obligation. Obligation that I would follow, and which I doubt he will. Wouldn't it be better to break it off now, so that he could pull back, or find another one to cling to? I would not be able to support him as I am away…

"What are you thinking, Nanao-chan?" he murmured, staring at me pensively. I took a deep breath-it's now or never.

"The times are hard." I began

"They are."

"Yamamoto sou-taicho wants the divisions to get better. He wants the divisions that are doing well to send people to help out the ones that are not."

"I know." He said "He discussed it with us last week on the captain's meeting."

"He did?" I shook from my slumber and looked at him "He told you what he was planning?"

"Yes. He even asked which ones thought they could spare their subordinates. Soi Fong immediately suggested they take her fukutaicho, even though she is the one who is supposed to require help, with that hand of hers." He chuckled, as if he found it funny. But I didn't.

"And you suggested me?" I exclaimed "You said you could spare me?"

"Nanao-chan, I can't be as selfish as to keep you all for myself! Hisagi needs your help." He looked surprised, as if there wasn't something terribly wrong with that picture. I pulled away to give him an incredulous look.

"You proposed that I got assigned to the ninth? Knowing that it would probably take centuries, you suggested that?" And here I was wondering if he would do without me. How cliché! How self important! Why was I trying to take this easy on him, he was already trying to get rid of me!

Slowly, I rose and started gathering my things from the floor. There was no point in hasting, anybody who walked in would see enough from my taicho to care for me. I dressed, but keeping a distance from him, trying to put myself into a decent state before saying: "Well, I guess you beat me to it."

"Beat you to what, Nanao-chan?" he asked, baffled. I examined the remains of my chest binds, before tucking them away into the sleeve of my shikahusho with a sigh.

"Given the circumstances, I find it stupid to play games right now, sir. You have put me into a situation that makes it impossible for our relationship to exist, and therefore, I believe it would be for both our good if we broke it off now."

He stared at me. "What?"

"I ask you that we end our relations, before they bring us more pain." I said flatly "I'm sorry."

"Wait, Nanao…" he began "I don't understand, what are you saying? This assignment is for the sake of the Gotei 13, not about us. Why have you suddenly decided that we have to end our relationship, when it hasn't even started?"

"Please, don't do that! You know very well that with this assignment, I will not be able to see you at all, and what would happen when I will not be able to see you? You'll need me, but won't have me around, you'll look for solace somewhere else, and then we'll both suffer."

"Nanao…" he shook his head, his expression grave "Haven't you thought that it could happen the other way around? We're both in danger, but this is greater than us."

I could not believe it. Slowly, I neared him, until our faces were almost touching. "And you don't need help, don't you?" I whispered, and then shumpo-ed away before he could react.

I made it until the training grounds before I stopped. It was a bright, sunny afternoon, and I felt like hell. I needed time to think, to relax, to get my thoughts in order. I figured that this would be the best place for it, since it would not be possible for my taicho to follow me, at least for now. At least…

I wanted to cry. I wanted to wail. I wanted to break down, then and there, in front of everyone, and I wouldn't care less about what they might say! Not just because of now. No, there was so much more than the fact that Shunsui was pushing me away.

Whoosh…

Gasps and exclamations were heard around me and I could practically feel the embarrassment arise from the people around me. I heard people say "Taicho!" and "Kyoraku-taicho, are you alright?". Fearing what I might encounter, I turned around, expecting to see that he had indeed followed me, but luckily he had had the presence of mind to put on his hakama pants, albeit loosely, before coming. However, his face was all anger, and he looked ready to go ballistic on her any minute now.

"Now look here…" he began in that voice that had people run and take cover "I will not have you say things like that without fully realizing…"

He was interrupted when a hell butterfly fluttered in front of his nose, and towards me. Grateful for the distraction, I extended my hand and focused my reiatsu in it to cause the message encrypted in it to flow into my mind. Briefly, I closed my eyes and listened. Then I looked at my taicho and the squad, that was gathered around us, staring intently at us.

"Inoue Orihime and Ishida Uruyu have died." I announced "They have been escorted here by Kuchiki Rukia a few hours ago. Apparently, there seems to be some problem with them. Our presence is required in the forth division as soon as possible."

"Let's go then…" he rumbled, but I shook my head

"We have to make ourselves try and look presentable, taicho. I will go to my quarters and you will go to yours and we will meet here in half an hour."

"I…"

"Please, sir. Like you said, we shouldn't test the sou-taicho's patience." I said, and I shumpo-ed away before he could say anything.

* * *

A/N-Errr....review? Please?


	3. Living as the Dead

**Moving on**

**By F.S.**

**Chapter two: Living as the Dead**

_"'A well informed mind' he would say 'is the best security against the contagion of folly and vice'" Ann Radcliffe, The mysteries of Udolpho_

**IshiPOV:**

In less than four hours after our arrival, Inoue-san and I had become a one of a kind freak show. Nearly every member of the forth division came by to see us, and then all the captains and vice-captains of the Gotei 13 passed to greet us/take a look at this unusual situation.

These interactions could be classified in three categories: neutral, awkward and downright worrying. One could spend their time matching the following with their category: Soi Fong taicho didn't really care about this, but came to say "Welcome" anyways, and to keep her fukutaicho from asking questions like: "Do they go to the bathroom together?" Kira fukutaicho was in and out in less than a minute, saying "Hi"s and "How'd you do?"s in warp speed. Hinamori fukutaicho said that we could call her if we need anything. Kuchiki taicho and Renji were all politeness and formality. Komamura taicho and Iba fukutaicho did the same. Hisagi fukutaicho patted me on the back and said something about a trip to hell by the end of the month. Hitsugaya taicho was surprisingly cordial towards us, while Matsumoto fukutaicho and Orihime crushed each other in one of their infamous hugs, after which the former said that the latter was very lucky to find her soul chain connected to a hunk like that. Zaraki taicho just watched us with amusement while Yachiru fukutaicho tried to bite her way through our collective chain. Finally, the Kurotsuchi family visited us with a suggestion from Mayuri that we come to the 12th to be experimented on.

The last two were quickly shooed away by Unohana taicho, to which both Inoue-san and I were glad. Nemu-san looked apologetic, but even she whispered that if we needed access to her father's files, she could easily help us. I didn't know what had spurred this sudden show of insubordination, but after the Winter War even she had changed.

Finally, when I was hoping that we would be left alone, Unohana taicho brought in captains Yamamoto, Kyoraku and Ukitake, as well as their respective lieutenants.

For some reason, this visit worried me the most. Here we were in the presence of the oldest captains in Seiretei, and it wouldn't be an overstatement to say that they, even Kyoraku taicho, were intimidating. Unohana-san held out our soul chain for them to examine, while she explained the details of our arrival to them. Apparently, nobody had yet discovered a reason for this phenomenon, and I was slowly starting to get worried. How would Yamamoto treat this? Would he send us to Rukongai, or, even worse, give us to Kurotsuchi? I wasn't letting that madman anywhere near me, let alone Inoue-san, but we wouldn't have a choice while we were in his jurisdiction.

"Shunsui, Jushiro, what do you make of this?" Yamamoto enquired, turning to look at his favorite students. Both examined us carefully, although Kyoraku seemed a little distracted, and then answered negatively.

"Perhaps we should send inquiries to Urahara-san." Ukitake added "He might have encountered something like this on Earth." There was a slight crease in his sensei's forehead-apparently, he was still having a hard time dealing with the mistake he'd made over a century ago. Through Urahara-san, Ukitake had suggested they ask the Vizard for help, and I knew for certain that none of the former captains and lieutenants had forgiven Yamamoto.

"We shall see." He finally answered. "You two should arrange the archives to be combed for any data about this phenomenon. I'll order the 12th division to contribute to the search as well. We should exhaust all our ways of searching for information before we turn to…other sources."

"Excuse me, General Commander…" I began slowly "But, what will happen to Inoue-san and myself while you are looking for your answer? Will we have to remain in custody?"

"No." he replied after a short pause "Neither you nor Inoue Orihime have acted in a manner that is considered to be dangerous. The two of you are ready to be sent to the academy as soon as Unohana taicho sees fit."

"Yare, Yama-jii…" Kyoraku drawled "Don't you think those two are too old to be sent to the academy? Not to mention that this rather unique arrangement might cause them some discomfort. Boys are learning separately from girls, you know. They might have a lot of trouble. Given that they might spend a lot of time like this, they might have to learn how to fight in synch, and then there are things lie living arrangements, etc. I don't think we ought to send them in public just yet."

"What do you suggest? Nobody has the time to train those two." Yamamoto snapped

"If you will allow me, Yamamoto sou-taicho, I can employ Inoue-san in my division." Unohana said "Her Rikka can easily make up for her lack of experience. Ishida-kun too can learn how to heal if he takes a few simple lessons from a kido master, maybe Hinamori-san or Ise-san."

"Nanao-chan will be going into the ninth next month." Kyoraku said "And she's very busy with the affairs of my division. I don't think she can spear the time."

"An introduction to kido and a few directions will suffice." Unohana said mildly "I'm sure that Inoue-san and Ishida-kun would learn quickly. They would cover the basics by the end of the month, I can assure you. As for fighting in synch, when things settle down, I'm sure there will be enough people willing to teach. Right now, however, the forth is the best place for them, as it requires minimal fighting and lots of concentration. The only other division like that is the twelfth, and I doubt that it will be possible. That way, I could keep an eye on them."

"Do you have a theory about why this occurred?" Yamamoto asked.

"The soul chain is very delicate, especially with the ones who die a painful death." Unohana said "Ishida-kun and Inoue-san have both been very close, and their bodies had died almost at the same time. Maybe the extreme trauma has caused their chains to connect, and even now, they are very tense."

"So the problem is psychological?" Ukitake suggested

"Yes, exactly. I think that it might go away on its own, but we must keep an eye on them. If something happens, we must be nearby to prevent something bad from happening."

"If you are worried about us turning into hollows, you should rest assured." Inoue-san suddenly spoke up "Urahara-san already ran a lot of tests on Chad and me, to determine the origin of our powers, and stated that in our case, the hollowfication would occur very slowly, if ever. And Ishida-kun's a Quincy, I know he wouldn't just turn into a Hollow."

"Inoue-san, anything is possible." I sighed, before turning to the captains and lieutenants in the room "On my part, I understand this completely. Should I turn into a Hollow, I would much rather have you slay me without hesitation. Don't expect that I would turn into a vizard or an arrancar."

"The same goes for me." My companion nodded "I don't want to be a hollow."

"That's very brave of you." Yamamoto stated "In that case, Unohana taicho, I'm counting on you to arrange their transfer to your division. Shunsui, your vice captain will accommodate them until all the formalities are done, and I expect her to start teaching them the basics of kido immediately. And don't try to get out with saying she has paperwork to do-you've been neglecting your duties for far too long!"

* * *

Ise fukutaicho's home was located in the eight division barracks, on the floor next to her captain's quarters. As expected, the inside of the apartments was neat and clean, with books occupying every available flat surface. She apologized for the mess as she quickly prepared futons for the two of us and fetched us a pair of clean sleeping robes. The soul chain hadn't corroded, which was a good sign, and it was long enough to let us get into a tree or four yard distance from each other before it stated tensing up. This gave us enough freedom of movement to turn our backs to each other and maneuver into the clothes Ise-san had given us, before the latter brought us our supper.

"How long do you think the formalities would take, Ise-san?" my companion asked as the said lady served us a bowl of miso soup.

"Not more than a few days, Inoue-san. Just about enough to teach you two some things before we move onto practice. I hope you two will be fine in here, it's really very small…"

"It's perfect." She answered happily "And you ought to call me Orihime, Ise-san. We're going to be roommates for a while, so we have to get along well!"

"Alright. If you promise to call me Nanao." The fukutaicho of the eighth let out a small smile, before turning towards me "I will acquire some uniforms for you tomorrow, Ishida-san, and I think Unohana taicho will allow you to have a small advance from your pay for you to cover for your most basic needs." I nodded, before asking:

"How do you think they will settle the question about…you know, the living arrangements?"

"I have no idea." She said "But if this situation continues, you will have to make the most of it. I'm sorry, my apartment doesn't offer much of a privacy for you two…"

"Don't worry about us!" Inoue-san said fiercely "We are the most accommodative pair in all of Karakura, right, Ishida-kun? We had to stick together for a long while together once, Nanao-san, when we were still illegal here. We had to sleep and change and stick together and we were like Siamese twins…"

"What Inoue-san wants to say is that we will be alright, Ise-san, don't be embarrassed." I cut her off.

However, there was awkwardness, I could tell. Sharing a bed with a lady wasn't something I was wholly unfamiliar with, but both times had been after the parties thrown at my campus and I really didn't remember much. Ise-san had been considerate enough to arrange two separate futons on a reasonable distance on her living room floor, but then Inoue-san asked me if I was a light sleeper.

"I am, why?"

"Oh my…" she said "I'm very restless myself. I may toss and turn and roll the chain around me, and…maybe we should connect the futons, to save space?"

"Will you be alright with this?" I asked her, wondering how she would deal with the present (and from now on constant) intrusion in her personal space. She gave me a radiant smile

"Don't worry, Ishida-kun. I still remember how I used to live with my brother. We used to share a bed too, when he couldn't afford to buy me one. It'll be just the same."

"Of course. But…" I hesitated. "There is something I need to warn you about…"

"Do you snore?" she asked

"No…"

"Do you toss?"

"A little…."

"Then there's no problem. I don't mind cuddling myself, although it's been a while since I've slept with anyone, and I'm not sure I still do it."

"Umm…"

"Do you have a problem with that?" Inoue-san asked, her large eyes inspecting me carefully "If you're uncomfortable with sharing your personal space with anybody, Ishida-kun…"

"No, no, not at all. Actually, Inoue-san, I'm rather worried about you. Umm…personal space is going to become a very relative term from now on, and I'm afraid that it won't be the same again. If this continues, I can't guarantee how much privacy will either of us have, although I promise I will respect it as much as I can…"

"Ishida-kun…." She shook her head condescendingly "You're forgetting that I've been born into a place that hardly respects privacy either. Actually, since onii-chan…you know, came here, I've been pretty lonely. This is just like the thing I've been looking forward to, although I didn't imagine it to be like this. I hope you're not too uneasy with this."

"I'm not. Although…we will have to think about showers and changing and…stuff."

"We'll be fine." She brushed it off "And try calling me Orihime every once in a while. We're living together, calling me by my family name would be weird."

"Are you sure you'll be able to do the same?" I asked, knowing full well what her answer would be

"No. Ishida-kun is always Ishida-kun. But I'll call you Uruyu on very special occasions." She stated "Do you mind?"

"Not at all, Inoue-san." I smiled at _Orihime_, feeling strangely gleeful at the small change of tone "But still, we have to talk, to mentally prepare ourselves for what is coming ahead. If we sleep in the same bed, there is something you have to know. It occurs from time to time and you might mistake it for something else, but it's perfectly natural and it's really a…"

"Oh, I know about that!" she exclaimed

"You do?"

"Sure. Onii-chan told me everything before I entered middle school."

"Oh…well then…"

"Don't worry, Ishida-kun, I know it's a little awkward, but you'll get used to it."

"Well…"

"I actually get that too, a lot!"

"You do?" I blinked

"Yeah, but I've stopped noticing it long ago." She waved her hand and patted me on the shoulder "You shouldn't be worried if your nose gets clogged when you sleep on your back."

"Ugh…" that was relatively all the reaction I could muster. But before I could react, Inoue-san had tucked herself in, wishing me good night and extinguished the light on her side of the futon. I sat in the dark for a while, pondering over what had just happened, before I tucked some of the cover between my legs and lay down to stare at the ceiling myself, waiting for the sleep to come.

This wasn't how I imagined the way I would die. No, quite on the contrary, I never thought that this could happen, that I would be taken away at the prime of my years, along with Inoue-san, and fall into a situation like that. But now that I was, I had to deal with a lot more than just the sleeping arrangements. I would have to deal with a whole new life I had to build.

* * *

**NanPOV:**

I stalled. I knew there was no way to avoid it, and yet I stalled, thus increasing my worry and living in suspense. And since I knew my captain so well, I knew that he wouldn't let go of it easily. But it was late, and I genuinely wanted some rest before I faced him tomorrow. Today, I had obviously picked a wrong time to talk to him, and I had picked the wrong words too.

After leaving Ishida-kun and Orihime-san, I went through my own rituals-I took a quick shower, dressed into my sleeping robes, braded my hair and took out a few books I wanted to look over. I separated those that I need to give my charges tomorrow, and I marked the pages that contained a few basic kido exercises I would have to show them as soon as possible. Afterwards, I decided to skip on my usual read before bed and turned off the lights, before sliding underneath the sheets. Just as I was resting my head on the pillow, I felt two large arms snake around my waist and bring me up to another warm body.

The only thing that stopped me from shrieking my head off and setting the room on fire was the fact that his reiatsu was so familiar. But, for a split second, I swear I had the feeling that I would die. Or worse…

"Kyoraku-taicho!" I hissed furiously, fidgeting in his grip "What do you think you are doing?!"

"Warming my Nanao-chan's bed, of course." He stated cheerfully "Shouldn't have I?"

"Let go of me!" I hissed, struggling out of his grip to sit up in bed. Hastily, I lit one of the candles and went to the door to look inside the other room. Ishida-kun and Orihime-san were, mercifully, sound asleep. Then I turned towards Shunsui, who was sitting, cross-legged in the futon, grinning like a schoolboy who'd just pulled off a great prank on his teacher. We even had the expressions to match.

I put my hands on my hips in a hopeless attempt to look intimidating. "What is the meaning of this?"

"My Nanao-chan doesn't even want me in her quarters yet?" he asked, obviously a little hurt. "You're cold…"

"Are you aware that there are people in these apartments? What if they wake up and see us here?"

"I think Ishida-kun and Orihime-chan are more observant than the bigger part of captains in here." He grinned "They probably know already."

"That's not the point. They just died, I don't think they need to catch us into a compromising position right about now!" he pouted, I sighed "Can you just please get out of there?"

"Of course." Shunsui said "As soon as you tell me what that scene today was all about."

"Here? Now?" It was obviously not working, so I changed gears "I don't have anything to tell you on this subject right now. We both have a busy day ahead of us-you go to your quarters, I'll stay with mine, and we'll talk tomorrow when we are both calm and relaxed."

"I think we both know we'll be anything but calm and relaxed tomorrow, Nanao-chan. Look…" he started, taking a break just enough to pull the ends of his sleeping robes around himself a little "You're in your full right to remain silent, but I'd like to retain my right to know why you're so mad at me. I haven't cheated on you, and I haven't gotten drunk enough not to remember if I had. I've been on my best behavior lately, but I can't be sure whether I have or have not done anything to offend you. Whatever it is, you ought to tell me, Nanao. I want to make it better."

Kami, what am I to say? I groaned and rubbed my forehead, looking for a way out of this, and upon finding none, I marched to the shoji doors and slid them open so that I could step out on the terrace. Slowly, he followed me there.

"It's dusty out here…" I said, taking a cloth to wipe the rail "I've hardly been out here since I took the quarters…"

"Ah, that explains it." he stated, resting against one of the support beams "A little help, and it would look lovely. I've done some very nice things on my side of the building."

"I know. I water the plants." I stated sourly.

"You know, you could always move in with me. You could take care that my plants don't die, and I'll bring some floridity into your life."

"Because you have enough for two, don't you." Sighing, I rested on the beam as well. The terrace was narrow, it looked on the inner yard of the division, where, upon my captain's insistence, they had planted sakura trees. Every summer it became a hell for those with hay fever, but it was very beautiful. Thanks to Shunsui's impressive height, I didn't have to look at him in the eye when I spoke. It turned out that it really did help me. Instead, I gazed at the stars, shining on the night's sky. "I don't want to do this." I finally said

"To move in with me? Or you're referring to the break up you suggested today? If the first, I'd like to hear your reasons, if the second, I too think it's really ridiculous."

"Both, I should think. Yamamoto sou-taicho doesn't need his officers to flaunt their relationships into his face every single day, and two superior officers in a romance are hardly what he needs at this time of crisis."

"Yare, you shouldn't be afraid of the old man just because you happened to be around when he lost his temper for the only time in these ten thousand years. Yama-jii's been through bigger catastrophes than amorous officers…" we both went quiet, remembering the war and how hard it had been to defeat Aizen and his arrancar "I mean, he didn't blow up in my face when I told him about it, so he shouldn't really be bothered if we make it more public."

"What?" In spite of the terrace, I reeled my head to look at him with shock "You told him we are…together?!"

"Contrary to what you may think, Nanao-chan, I do tell him things. In fact, I tell him almost everything, especially when it comes to relationships. I think it makes him feel young again, listening to me talk about the qualities of the ladies I am going out with. Although he disapproves of the fact that in my age, I'm still playing womanizer, he's not all that bad."

I didn't know what was more shocking-hearing that Yamamoto sou-taicho knew of our relationship, and had often heard my captain talk about my 'qualities', or the fact that he, not Ukitake-san, may be the only person in Seiretei with a full record of Shunsui's philandering activities. After blinking for several moments with surprise, I managed to croak out:

"Well that explains why he's sending me to the ninth."

"Nanao-chan, you should stop referring to our neighbors in such terms! They're not that notorious. And didn't I tell you that I suggested you go there?"

"And why, pray, did you do that?"

"Well, first of, Hisagi-san needs help. Second, he's drinking buddies with Rangiku-san, which means he also knows you, which means you two won't have to go through the uneasiness of the first days when you're getting to know each other. Third, the ninth is just next door, so that we can keep an eye on each other and meet when we can. Forth, he's a serous young man who will never bury you under a mountain of paperwork, and your job will be relatively easy. Fifth, he would never hit on you after I informed him that you are quite taken. Should I continue?"

"No, how about you let me tell you what leeks I see in this theory. I don't see how him knowing someone who's friends with me makes us automatically acquainted. That's one. Two, little paperwork doesn't mean I won't be busy. It also doesn't mean I'll have any time to meet you, which with my schedule confirms. That makes three. Four, I cannot believe you broadcast the news about our relationship so easily! Five, there were other places you could've send me to!"

"You think?" He scratched his chin "Let's see…should I have sent you to the second, where you will be stuck even though Soi Fong will never put your many talents at use? Or the third, or fifth, where you'll be virtually doing the same as what you're doing here? Or the thirteenth, where you'll just help Sentaro and Kiyone depress poor Jushiro by tiptoeing around him like he's some sort of invalid?"

"Ukitake-san…" I began

"He may not be showing it, Nanao, but your behavior deeply offends him. The war's over! You have to get over that! Yes, he could've died, but he didn't. He lived another day, another great lot of days, and he's actually been improving lately! You may mean well, but that means nothing to him. Right now, he needs to get a grip on himself and stagger out!"

Ironically, that's what he needed to do himself, I thought. It was plain obvious that the war had affected him horribly, yet he completely overlooked it. If he didn't notice it in others, it would've been understandable, but he did, and that made it even worse.

However, I didn't say all those things. Instead, I let him wax on:

"As for announcing our relationship to the world, it's been more than a year, Nanao-chan. Those who haven't noticed it yet probably never cared enough to look for it, which means that it wouldn't affect them in any way to be informed of it. Hisagi, per instance, didn't know, but should he decide to try his luck with you, he ought to know that you are in a serious relationship, so that you would be spared the embarrassment of having to tell him so yourself when it's obviously too late for any of you to not be embarrassed."

"Alright. I get it. You want the Gotei 13 to get back on their feet faster so that we can back to our normal lifestyle, therefore we must use our cadres the best we can."

"Exactly! I'm so glad you understand now!"

"However, you probably know that there's more."

"Obviously. Otherwise I wouldn't be asking."

"I'm not a woman that whines. If it was just about wanting something I couldn't have, I would've swallowed it easily."

"Of course."

"But you're forgetting that things will never be the same again. They can never be the same again." I sighed and went over to lean on the railing "The war's changed us all. And I don't know whether you comprehend this."

"So you say you've changed? From a woman who didn't need romance you suddenly turn into one who needs it desperately?"

"This isn't about me, Shunsui." I whirled around to look at him "This is about you, and the things you say to fool yourself. Do you think I haven't noticed? You've started to shrink into yourself, you're talking less, even to Ukitake-san. What was it? Did the near-death experience frighten you so much that you daren't believe that you've saved yourself?"

This angered him. Slowly, he bent down to look at me in the eye and rumbled deeply: "I'm a very old man, Nanao. Not as old as Yama-jii, but I've been around a lot. It's unbecoming of a woman as smart as you to suppose this is the only time I've come face to face with Death. It won't be the last either, because I'm not planning on giving up on being the man I am any time soon."

This terrified me. Which has to say something, because there were only two times before in my life that I've felt like this-when Yamamoto sou-taicho nearly suffocated me with his reiatsu, and then, ten months later, when I was keeping watch near my taicho's bedside, after they brought him in from the battlefield with a cero blast as big as his fist into his body.

"The man you are?" I murmured, transfixed by this strange metamorphose in him

"Yes, Nanao, the man I am. The captain, the soldier, the friend, the lover. I'm not going to give up on being those people. However, if you no longer want to be my Nanao-chan, I'd like to know why you even bothered to be with me in the first place?"

O-oh….

Diplomatically, I remained silent. He interpreted that as playing hooky. "I'm not stupid, Nanao-chan. You've been denying my advances ever since you grew out as the lovely woman you are, and only after my signing out of the hospital did you change your mind. In that case, you've either decided to have pity on me, or you actually like the person I've come to be after this war. The second drops, after what you just said, so obviously you've been having pity on me and now that you've been presented with an opportunity to get out, you do it."

I couldn't believe this. This man, the man I loved, the man whose bed I shared, the man who's been wooing me for over fifty years, and who's known me for twice as long, actually couldn't imagine that I loved him as much as he claimed he loved me? That what had happened hadn't, in fact, made me realize that I couldn't live in fear of discovery, or rejection anymore. That I actually wanted to be with him before I lost him again. Where was the pity in that? It outraged me, even more than he could've imagined.

"If it's just because of that, I can handle it, Nanao-chan. But I really don't stand your lying to me."

And now he thought I was lying. I suppressed my urge to scream my head off and set him right, but then I took a long, calming breath, and stated flatly:

"Do I look like a person who's afraid of lots of work? Do I look like someone who would be going out with someone out of pity? Share their bed, out of pity? Haven't you known me long enough to know I wouldn't do that?!"

Without waiting for his answer, I went back into my room, blew out the candle and tucked myself in. Sure enough, I soon hear the sound of shumpo that indicated he'd left my terrace. The rest of the night was spent in tossing and turning, long periods of insomnia and short, restless dreams. I just knew that tomorrow would be one hell of a bad day.

* * *

A/N-Hey, folks, if you don't wanna read this story, I'll just delete it...


	4. New Starts

**

* * *

**

Moving on

**By F.S.**

**Chapter three: New starts**

"_Whatever happened to our love? I wish I understood. It used to be so nice, it used to be so good." ABBA, The Golden Hits_

**RanPOV:**

I used to think I had my taicho figured out.

Mind, in spite of all accusations of insubordination (read, my rebellion against dress code), I never really discriminated anyone, especially him. Actually, I kinda respect the guy for not only being a child prodigy, but accepting it wholly and without complaint. I know it's hard for people to deal with the prejudice, I mean, my boobs have gained so much notoriety that I'm starting to think that they're living a separate life, and I'm very proud of Hitsugaya taicho for standing up to all those no-Sayers and fighting them all off.

I used to think that he was stronger than everything. And today, he just proved me that he wasn't.

"Thanks again for helping me out with these, guys…" Momo said, as she gathered up the forms from taicho's desk "I promise, this won't happen again."

"Nonsense!" I cheered "You're always welcome here, Momo-chan!"

"It's Hinamori fukutaicho, Matsumoto." Taicho grumbled "Can't you at least try and behave according to the established etiquette."

"You're no fun, taicho." I pouted, before glancing over at Momo "So, I'll be seeing you at Ishida-kun and Hime-chan's welcoming party, right?"

"Oh, I don't know…won't it be a little early for those two?"

"Come on! It'll be fun! It's been ages since we had a party!" I exclaimed, ignoring the memory of my latest attempt to renew my former lifestyle. I had gone out with the intention to have a drink with the guys, but we all ended up breaking down over our first glass. We needed something more major to cure our current heartaches. Renji and Hisagi didn't even have the motivation to pick up some girls from the bar, we were home before nine! A little more and they'd be born-again virgins, and I'd be permanently sober

"Even taicho will go!" I changed tactics, hoping to earn some sort of reaction from her

"He will?" she glanced over at him with surprise. On his part, he fumed.

"Matsumoto!"

"Please, taichooo!" I pleaded "I already do my share of paperwork! Come have fun for one night! It's for Hime-chan and Ishida-kun, anyways! They need to know that everyone is willing to support them through their current predicament!"

"I would hardly call it a predicament…" Momo mused, lightening up somehow "Do you know that the Japanese have this legend, about the red thread of fate?! They say that a red thread connects you to your one true love, and…I always thought that this stuff was just silly superstitions, but now that I see Ishida-san and Inoue-san, I can't help but wonder if there isn't a thread of truth in it."

"You mean that Hime-chan and Ishida-kun are star-crossed lovers?" I asked, a little incredulous. Once, a little before Hime-chan's abduction, she told me just how jealous she felt of Ichigo and Rukia's relationship, although back then it was obvious (and still is), that they're nothing more than friends "Are you sure? She really likes Ichigo, especially after Hueco Mundo…"

"Yeah, I know, but honestly, how long would it take that guy to figure it out? He hasn't until now, while nearly everyone else has. And Ishida-kun's been there for her all this time. He lost his arm trying to protect her in Hueco Mundo, you know." Momo said "When has Kurosaki-kun done such a commitment? I mean, yeah, he was the one who led the group at first, but…ugh…he's always on this endless quest to protect everyone, everywhere. I think that Inoue-san deserves better than that."

"Well, if they don't find a way to separate them, I don't think she'll have another choice." I scratched the back of my head. That's when taicho slammed his folder down loudly enough to startle both of us.

"Before either of you start planning on a wedding…" he said "Remember that those two have just been taken away from the life they'd had on Earth. They're severely traumatized, and would need time to get used to Seiretei. You should put your energy into something more creative than parties."

"But taicho…"

"Matsumoto, remember that you don't have a permission for that party yet."

"You shouldn't be so grouchy, Shiro-chan…" Momo crooned "Party or no party, it'll be nice for them to lighten up. You should support Rangiku-san on this."

"Yeah, well…" he looked slightly embarrassed. My sweet taicho! Even if his love for Momo has gone through such a test, she still stands.

"If it happens, you'll take me to it." she went on, and since he didn't present her with an answer, gave us both a radiant smile and left. For a while, neither said a word, before I decided to break the silence.

"Taicho, you meanie." I scolded him half-heartedly "She really wants to go with you!"

"Huh?" he blinked, slightly taken aback by my comment "Who? Where?"

"Momo-chan. To the party. Anywhere, for that matter." I put my hands on my hips "The girl likes you, and you're acting like you don't see it."

"Are you getting another paperwork allergy, Matsumoto? You're starting to see things."

"I am not! I know what I saw! And you like her too, don't you?"

"End of the discussion, fukutaicho. You ought to finish those forms, instead of caring for the nonexistent glitches of my love life."

"Oh, so you do have a love life…" I teased, but when he didn't answer, I actually became worried "I didn't mean to sound disrespectful, taicho, I just…"

"Point taken, Matsumoto." He said, standing up from his chair and gathering his things up slowly "I appreciate your caring for me, but right now we have to focus on more important issues. I'll go out for lunch, I trust that you'll be over by the time I get back."

And he was out. So easily that it surprised me. Maybe that guy really was clueless, or maybe he was just focused on his goals, but I could swear that for a split second I saw a wistful look into his eyes. So I was right! He did like someone! Maybe not necessarily Hinamori, but someone! It was a safe bet to say it was her, but it could've been anyone! My sweet, darling taicho! I really needed to find some way to get him a girlfriend, he was too uptight!

I mulled over all these things as Nanao helped me apply some kido spells on the prosthesis on my right side. She didn't seem to listen, focusing instead on the healing chant, lacing it up with the already existent ones of the combination of artificial skin and organs that had replaced that part of my body after the arrancar ripped it off.

"Will you please stop quaking for five minutes so that I could finish this?" she snapped "Please, relax!"

"You're edgier than usual…" I noted "Isn't Shunsui keeping up with you?"

That did it. At one second, she was doing the chant, as impartial as she ever was when it came to work. In the other, she was breaking down, falling across my lap and sobbing like a child. Damn it! I quickly closed the spell and started comforting her, knowing that silent support was the fastest way to make Nanao relax.

It happened pretty often. The Winter War had taken its tool on all of us, close to the one that people on earth had sustained after World War Two. Seiretei had never been weaker. Many had died, and even more were living with the physical and emotional scars from the fights. The twelfth division made a boom with their research for artificial limbs that replaced the ones that had been lost in battle. The tunnels between our world and the physical were still unstable, making transfers slow and difficult. Our resources were pretty much exhausted, and the treason of Aizen, Gin, Tousen and Central 67 had spiked a paranoia that caused people to jump at the slightest doubt of someone's loyalties.

And then there was this-people breaking in tears, or falling into depression at the slightest remembrance of their own, personal tragedy. Hinamori and I lived with the prosthesis and renewed the spells nearly every week out of fear of them giving out on us. Kiyone and Sentaro jumped at every cough their captain made. My own taicho was terribly attentive with me, and even Mayuri's snappy remarks were less poisonous than before. And Nanao…Nanao had to live with a totally new Shunsui.

I'd been the only one she'd trusted to share the secret of their relationship, and, expectedly, I also became the person who knew of her recent decision to break up with him. I can't say I blame her for it, I mean, the change in him freaks even me out, but I knew that something would go wrong. And with her current condition, it wasn't hard for me to figure out exactly what it was.

Choking, sobbing, she told me everything he had said, how she'd replied, and what had he…umm…implied. I held out on my end of the conversation, nodded and squeaked compassionately, assured her that I understood, but actually didn't. I mean, I couldn't possibly know how she felt, or what he was thinking. In my case, my Rukongai friend, my short-term lover, had left me, and even though it didn't come as a definite surprise, it sure hurt. Not just because of his betrayal, it was also because he never tried hiding what he was. I knew exactly what sort of person was Ichimaru Gin, and yet I stayed with him, until he decided to turn into an enemy.

Nanao, on the other hand, neither had my experience to have picked a better course of action, nor my sense of humor to get her through the crisis. Actually, I could easily see what she was hoping-by knocking the support from underneath Shunsui's legs, she was trying to force him to struggle out of the hole he'd dug himself in and become more like the man he is. However, things had backfired, and now he has digging himself deeper in than ever, and I couldn't blame him. Maybe, if he'd taken Nanao with him to the battlefield, she would've understood him better. But he hadn't…sometimes, I wonder whether she isn't punishing him for it.

* * *

**UkiPOV:**

I really hate commemoratives. It wasn't bad enough that people were practically forced to put up with visitors for seven consecutive days before they are left alone to deal with their loss, whenever I come around, their mood seems to drop down by a thousand more degrees than before. Of course, they try to put up a façade, be polite, thank me for coming and sitting silently as I offer my prayers and burn incense, but deep down, I know that my presence only makes them feel worse. Why does that skeleton get to live while good soldiers with a life ahead of them die?

It wasn't fair. And I know it. That's why I hurry to finish my duty and skid out of the home like the guilty bastard I am.

Yes, I know, I should be used to this. After what happened with Kaien, when the better part of my squad got killed, I ended up in a very similar situation. I went to the homes of my soldiers, presented my excuses to their families, prayed that they found a good life on earth and offered my support for those who needed it…but I knew that they wouldn't accept support from someone who can't take good care of his own division. Now, two years after the war, I'm have the very same problem, only the fact that I nearly died in combat doesn't make me seem less guilty in the eyes of those who have lost sons and husbands to the arrancar. In fact, it only worsens my situation.

I mused over all of this as I walked (or better yet, ran) away from the home of another excellent member of my division that had been killed off while trying to protect Seiretei. Kiyone and Sentaro were somewhere behind me, hiding their presence to retain some semblance of normality for me, only I knew that they would rush to my rescue even if I just tripped. Lately, I felt like a scumbag, not only because of the commemoratives, but on account of everything that happened. Six months on a hospital bed, struggling to survive, plus another half a year in rehab did little to help me, and afterwards I often questioned whether Tousen was not entirely wrong for going against an organization like the Gotei 13, that believed blindly in an institution like Central 67 that ruled us completely detached from the lives we lived. An organization that cruelly sentenced twelve captains and lieutenants to death without even bothering to know the circumstances. An organization that allowed monsters like Aizen to take on chief positions and then betray us all, causing the death of so many a good men.

Shunsui didn't share my thoughts. He often told me that I needed to look at things on the bright side, that I had it harder because it was up to me to build up my squad from the ashes and make us resurrect as a stronger division than before. Maybe he's right. But at least he has a capable fukutaicho that can fill up his shoes if he decides to retire. I have no such luck. Sensei told me that if I wanted to stop being in charge of the thirteenth, I have to put all my affairs in order, train a new taicho and a fukutaicho and get the squad together. This would definitely take some time. I wonder if I'll die before any of that happened.

Nearing the small park that separated my division from the twelfth, I noticed an unusual scene there-Kurotsuchi fukutaicho, sitting on a small bench, watching Kusajishi fukutaicho play a few meters from her. What made this so weird was the former' arm was in the latter's hands. I knew that Zaraki-san often had Mayuri's daughter to baby sit Yachiru-chan while he was busy with Unohana-san, dealing with the 'differences' between their divisions, but I never thought he permitted her to do such cruel things with her nanny. Approaching them, I wondered if I should chastise Yachiru-chan or help her keeper, before settling for the latter.

"Kurotsuchi-san, are you alright?" I began, standing right next to her. She looked up at me, before standing up and bowing politely

"Good day, Ukitake taicho. I trust that you are feeling well. What do you mean, alright?"

"Well, obviously, because you're missing something…" I said, pointing embarrassedly at the spot where her limb usually was. She glanced at it, as if realizing for the first time what had happened, before she (tried to) shrug.

"That is fine, I don't mind it." she replied "I can easily take care of her with one arm."

"That's true, but aren't you…" I paused, wondering how to put this. Mayuri taicho often bragged about how his so called creation was indestructible, but I was well aware that Nemu felt a lot of the things that were being done to her, physically and mentally. "In pain?"

"Not really." Not unsurprisingly, she said "Won't you sit down? I believe that your third seats will come swarming over you very soon if you do not rest."

"Ah, yes…" I nodded, joining her on the bench. On the other end of the playground, Yachiru had started blowing soap bubbles through the fingers of Kurotsuchi-san's hand, which she'd twisted in an appropriate hoop. Sad, I thought, this whole display of cruelty was actually sad. I knew that Yachiru-chan was too young to be affected by the events that traumatized so many of us, but still, I liked to think of her unusual reactions as a strange way a child uses to cope with grief. Luckily for her, she hadn't felt the real grief, the one mixed with guilt and regret that so many of us dealt with for so long. The death of the traitors hadn't been enough to discharge the debt they had.

"That depends." Kurotsuchi-san replied "It was enough to snap lieutenants Kira, Hinamori and Hisagi from their depression, which alone helped a lot in the re-establishment of their squads."

"Oh…" I hadn't noticed I was musing out loud "Yeah…that they did."

"Your concern for Kusajishi fukutaicho is also unnecessary." She went on mercilessly "I believe her motives right now are not any different from those of most children."

"And what is that?"

"The bubbles are pretty." As she said that, Nemu extended her free hand and balanced one of the said bubbles on the tip of her finger. I was awed at how she managed to retain it there without popping it, before I remembered that she was a little different than others too. The surface of the soap bubble was smooth and sleek, and as the light hit it in different angles, a kaleidoscope of colors and forms shifted on it. When I was young, I used to think it's some sort of magic. Now I'm surprised that I can still be awed by such simple things, after I know what causes them. Perhaps it's because of that knowledge that I'm able to appreciate them so much.

Without knowing it, the colors had suddenly shooed away the dark thoughts from my mind. Standing up, I called Yachiru-chan over, gave her some candy I had in my pocket, told her to return lieutenant Kurotsuchi her hand, and then turned to thank Nemu. She nodded, as if she knew perfectly well why I was so grateful for, and stood up to see me off as I walked towards my division. A little before I reached it, I turned around to hail Kiyone and Sentaro from their hideout, and looked at the small group in the park one last time, before I headed out to do what I should've done eons ago.

* * *

A/N-I'm 18! Eeek!


End file.
